And that’s how I ended up in a Singapore prison.

No, not really. But I gotcha, didn't I?

So, not much is new. I wouldn't blame you if you just left now, but here goes another piece of random prose.

I've recently found my newest inspiration... Her name is Jenny Lawson, aka The Blogess. If you haven't read her stuff, I really think you'd like it. TheBlogess.com

Yesterday, something told me to make an emergency trip to Goodwill, so I did, and what I found blew my mind. I purchased a brand spanking new Dell PowerEdge 2420 server cabinet for.. get this... $9.99. I bet this sounds like a great deal to you, but I hope it sounds even more awesome when I tell you the retail price... Yes, I tend to slightly exaggerate things, but the legit-no-lie price of this bugger is $1,149. Seriously. And here's a link to prove that I'm not exaggerating.

So, I bought it, and my ex-housemate Dan and I moved it into my condo. Do I have room for it? Hell no. Do I care? Pft. Where is it now? In my dining room. And that's where it's staying until Christmas time.

Chester continues to live (as does, amazingly, that 25 cent Walmart plant I bought four years ago...), and I'm as content as a kid with a juice box.

Other than ending up in a Singapore prison, life has been pretty awesome.

Your mileage may vary.

-j

Complain A-blog It.

Yes, Interwebs. I just coined my 93rd term. I'm feeling irked and instead of going and complaining about it, I'm going to complain a-blog it. Get the coinage? I sure hope so.

I'm very fortunate to have moved into a condominium that has new electrical. I'm also very fortunate to have a buff delivery guy stopping by on Tuesday to deliver a dishwasher to said condominium. So, naturally, I started preparatory measures. I moved the cat litter, because Sergent Chester (see blog about him here) needs his time to adjust. He's also been fairly fond of pooping where Sasha, my new dishwasher, will be whoring the dishes. I also investigated. I got to thinking (which I do rarely) and thought the following: I will need a plug for Sasha, and I will need some way to feed her daily whorish ration of water. Now, here's where I get irked.

The man (for this blog, we will call him Jay-z) who was foreclosed on took his dishwasher. He also took said daily-whorish-water-rationing pipes. And, (cue IRK), he took the outlet that will power Sasha's hurricane-like speed. Without that outlet, she will simply lay there, and no one likes a dish-washing whore who just lays there, soaked, in her own whorish rations.

So, I went and bought a project box, a GFI, and some electrical wire. I took apart the LIGHT SWITCH that Jay-Z decided should go under the sink where the old outlet used to be. (I give him slight props here, because the condo would not have passed inspection had it housed bare wiring under a sink. A light switch, however, can be put anywhere you'd like.)

I went downstairs to turn off the kitchen's circuit (I'm not a complete idiot), and found that all nine circuit breakers are -- you guessed it -- unmarked by the master electrician who did all 14 units at the same time. So, I went box to box searching other peoples breakers until I found a labeled set. Score two for master electrician: they were not in the same order as mine. Let me rephrase. No two breaker boxes were in the same order. So, I used my common sense and just turned off a few of mine, went upstairs, and tested the light switch's wires. Well, it took me four tries, but here's what I found.

• My bathroom is wired to my dining room, which are on opposite sides of the unit.
• The overhead lights in the living room, dining room, kitchen, and pantry are all on the same breaker.
• The pantry's outlets are connected to my bedroom outlets. Again, on the opposite side of the unit.
• My living room outlets are connected to my dining room outlets, which makes more sense than any of the other points above.
• My kitchen is separated by three breakers.  

And, my favorite bullet point of all:

• The light switch's breaker is connected to, and only to, the outlet on the other side of the kitchen.

So, after I turned off most of the electricity in my unit, I was able to disassemble Jay-Z's pointless light switch and found that the conventional wiring (white is negative, black is positive, green is ground) was nonstandard.  White is negative (YAY), blue is positive (wtf?) and orange is ground (bigger WTF). I wired up the light switch again, but this time it turns on power to a GFI outlet that will feed Sasha her necessary power.

So, long story short, the electrician who re-did these units was an idiot, and Jay-Z left me a great light switch that will turn Sasha on whenever she is needed. ;)

Your mileage may vary.

-j

• 
  

Sign. Your. Credit. Card.

So, the other day, I was at the Post Office and a lady swiped her credit card for a purchase. The clerk asked to see the card, turned it over, and told her that she'd need to sign the card before he would process it. She was irritated by this, and threw a mini-temper tantrum at the very nice clerk. It went something like this:

Why do I need to sign my card? Can't you just look at my ID?

I'm sorry, ma'am, but it's our policy to only accept signed cards.

Ugh. :Scoff: Fine. I'll just use my debit card and PIN.

Okay. I know there are bajillions of people that think this way, but allow me three minutes to appeal to your common sense.

Assume your name is "Ricky Balls", and also assume that you have the misconstrued mindset that not signing the back of your card is the best route for your own protection. Next, assume I steal your wallet. Now, I have a blank credit card and I can sign YOUR name, "Ricky Balls," any way I want. The next time I use your card, the clerk will ask to see your card and compare my signature and, lo-and-behold, it will be a perfect match. If you haven't tried this already, take a minute of your time and attempt to forge someone's signature. It's not easy; in fact, it's very difficult to do. By not signing the back of your card, you are not only making yourself a bigger and easier target, you're also crippling your ability to dispute charges on your invalid card.

Many don't know that your credit card is not valid until you've signed the back. Merchants should not accept your card (although many do) if the signature panel is blank or contains anything other than your legal name as printed on the front of the card. "SEE ID," et al., render your card invalid.

Visa's Rules for Merchant's handbook states:

"See ID or Check for ID is not a valid substitute for a signature. The customer must sign the card, in your presence." And if the customer refuses? "A refusal to sign means the card is still invalid and cannot be accepted." The handbook then reminds merchants that if they ignore this mandate and accept an unsigned card anyway, they risk financial liability should the cardholder later dispute the charge. 

By signing the signature panel, you're agreeing to be legally bound by the terms stated in your card issuer's agreement. Legally, even by NOT signing the back, you can be bound to these same terms, but these terms can be exercised at your issuer's discression. In other words, they can refuse to honor disputes and fraudulent purchases at your expense.

Sure, 80% of the time, no one is going to ask or compare your signed card to a driver's license of signature capture, but 100% of the time, a thief will be able to use your unsigned card and ruin your account, credit, and financial stability.

So, in short, the best solution is this one: sign the back of your card and write "See Photo ID." Also, don't get irritated by the friendly clerk that asks to see your license or compares your signature. They're looking out for their company and for your bank account. Instead, shoot them a smile, thank them for watching out for you, and make their day a little bit easier.

As a victim of identity theft two years ago, I encourage everyone to obtain an annual copy of your three credit reports (Experian, TransUnion, and Equifax). They're all available to you at no cost (once per year) at www.annualcreditreport.com. Also, if you are denied credit for any reason, you are entitled to another copy of your report from the bureau where your information was polled.

If you feel you've fallen victim to identity theft, please take immediate action. Always use common sense, and dial the emergency number on the back of your card immediately.

For those who want to take it one step further, I highly recommend Identity Guard's service. It's probably the best $14 a month I've spent and literally keeps me up to date by the minute on new inquiries, applications, and disclosures. They also offer one million dollars in identity insurance if you fall victim to identity theft or fraud and have a team of specialists waiting to help you sort out the details 24/7/365. And no... I don't get paid to refer you. :)

Your mileage may vary.

One person in one million may need this post.

For those of you who have installed PsychoStats and get the following error:

[FATAL] Called from main(320)->main(349)->main(397)->PS::Game(1252)->PS::DB(598) >>>

> Error executing DB query:

> UPDATE ps_plr p, ps_c_plr_data d SET p.lastactivity = 1317370731, p.activity = IF(432000 > 1317370731 - d.lasttime, LEAST(100, 100 / 432000 * (432000 - (1317370731 - d.lasttime)) ), 0) WHERE p.plrid=d.plrid AND 1317370731 > p.lastactivity

 >  (and here, possible, TABLE DOES NOT EXIST.)

> --end of error--

Here's the remedy. I searched for hours before I figured this out. Log into phpMyAdmin and run the following queries on your PsychoStats DB.

CREATE TABLE `ps_c_plr_data` ( `dataid` INT UNSIGNED NOT NULL DEFAULT '0', `plrid` INT UNSIGNED NOT NULL DEFAULT '0', `firstdate` DATE NOT NULL DEFAULT '0000-00-00', `lastdate` DATE NOT NULL DEFAULT '0000-00-00', `accuracy` FLOAT(10,2) NOT NULL DEFAULT '0.00', `banned` INT NOT NULL DEFAULT '0', `bombdefuseattempts` INT NOT NULL DEFAULT '0', `bombdefused` INT NOT NULL DEFAULT '0', `bombdefusedpct` FLOAT(10,2) NOT NULL DEFAULT '0.00', `bombexploded` INT NOT NULL DEFAULT '0', `bombexplodedpct` FLOAT(10,2) NOT NULL DEFAULT '0.00', `bombplanted` INT NOT NULL DEFAULT '0', `bombplantedpct` FLOAT(10,2) NOT NULL DEFAULT '0.00', `bombrunner` INT NOT NULL DEFAULT '0', `bombrunnerpct` FLOAT(10,2) NOT NULL DEFAULT '0.00', `bombspawned` INT NOT NULL DEFAULT '0', `cheated` INT NOT NULL DEFAULT '0', `connections` INT NOT NULL DEFAULT '0', `ctdeaths` INT NOT NULL DEFAULT '0', `ctkills` INT NOT NULL DEFAULT '0', `ctlost` INT NOT NULL DEFAULT '0', `ctwon` INT NOT NULL DEFAULT '0', `ctwonpct` FLOAT(10,2) NOT NULL DEFAULT '0.00', `damage` INT NOT NULL DEFAULT '0', `deaths` INT NOT NULL DEFAULT '0', `deaths_streak` INT NOT NULL DEFAULT '0', `ffdeaths` INT NOT NULL DEFAULT '0', `ffdeathspct` FLOAT(10,2) NOT NULL DEFAULT '0.00', `ffkills` INT NOT NULL DEFAULT '0', `ffkillspct` FLOAT(10,2) NOT NULL DEFAULT '0.00', `games` INT NOT NULL DEFAULT '0', `headshotdeaths` INT NOT NULL DEFAULT '0', `headshotkills` INT NOT NULL DEFAULT '0', `headshotpct` FLOAT(10,2) NOT NULL DEFAULT '0.00', `hits` INT NOT NULL DEFAULT '0', `joinedct` INT NOT NULL DEFAULT '0', `joinedspectator` INT NOT NULL DEFAULT '0', `joinedterrorist` INT NOT NULL DEFAULT '0', `kicked` INT NOT NULL DEFAULT '0', `killedhostages` INT NOT NULL DEFAULT '0', `kills` INT NOT NULL DEFAULT '0', `kills_streak` INT NOT NULL DEFAULT '0', `killsperdeath` FLOAT(10,2) NOT NULL DEFAULT '0.00', `killsperminute` FLOAT(10,2) NOT NULL DEFAULT '0.00', `lasttime` INT NOT NULL DEFAULT '0', `onlinetime` INT NOT NULL DEFAULT '0', `rescuedhostages` INT NOT NULL DEFAULT '0', `rescuedhostagespct` FLOAT(10,2) NOT NULL DEFAULT '0.00', `rounds` INT NOT NULL DEFAULT '0', `shots` INT NOT NULL DEFAULT '0', `shotsperkill` FLOAT(10,2) NOT NULL DEFAULT '0.00', `suicides` INT NOT NULL DEFAULT '0', `terroristdeaths` INT NOT NULL DEFAULT '0', `terroristkills` INT NOT NULL DEFAULT '0', `terroristlost` INT NOT NULL DEFAULT '0', `terroristwon` INT NOT NULL DEFAULT '0', `terroristwonpct` FLOAT(10,2) NOT NULL DEFAULT '0.00', `totalbonus` INT NOT NULL DEFAULT '0', `touchedhostages` INT NOT NULL DEFAULT '0', `vip` INT NOT NULL DEFAULT '0', `vipescaped` INT NOT NULL DEFAULT '0', `vipkilled` INT NOT NULL DEFAULT '0' ) DEFAULT CHARACTER SET utf8;

ALTER TABLE `ps_c_plr_data` ADD PRIMARY KEY ( `dataid` );

ALTER TABLE `ps_c_plr_data` ADD UNIQUE `plrid` ( `plrid` );

You're welcome.

Your mileage may vary.

R-e-c-y-c-l-

EEEEEEEEE!

I am pro-recycling. Sure, there are people that argue recycling does more harm than good, and maybe there's some truth to that...

But, this isn't a total recycling rant. It's just a quick note, folks.

If you're not going to recycle, that's fine. In many places (like my current dwelling) recycling facilities don't exist. So, I get creative. I sneak in grocery cardboard boxes and dump them in work's giant yellow containers. I take my newspapers to work, read them, and dump them in the nearest recycle bin. But hey. For those of you who are lazier, just do me this favor: don't put your trash in a plastic bag.

I'm talking about coffee grounds. Cans. Granola bar wrappers. Old food. Small children. Anything that you're throwing away should  not be put in a plastic bag. For one, the sheer energy used to make plastic is horrific, but more importantly, those bags take 500 years to bio-degrade, which means that any quasi-recyclable contents in your thrown-away plastic bag will take 500 years just to start decomposing. Elementary, my dear Watson.

It's not convenient to avoid plastic bag use. I have them in the kitchen, bathroom, and by the cat dropping storage facility (which is getting frequented quite often now... circa last post). But here's the difference. I recycle the grocery bags that I have to use (one can only bring so many of those damn "eco-friendly" bags to a store), and I use biodegradable plastic bags for everything. They're not terribly expensive, either (maybe $1 more than the regular bags). They're just as sturdy, too, but you cut the decomposing time by about 498 years. You can find these marvels at most stores (avoid Walmart... they don't give a flip about the environment, as much as I live in that store...), and I highly recommend them.

If you're an online shopper, check out Amazon! Link provided for your convenience. C'mon. You know you want to click it...

That's all for today. Remember, small changes make a big difference. Each bag saves 498 years... It sure adds up quickly...

Your mileage may vary.

And so it begins.

So, it's been awhile. Welcome back, faux-communication.

I really think my life could be a reality TV show. I'm not even kidding.

For those of you who haven't heard the news, I got myself a kitty kitty. In all honesty, I wanted a cute little puppy dog. Alas, the T in my Myers-Briggs eventually came out in full force and made me realize that I don't have time for a puppy dog. So, as I told my friend in good 'ole Riverside, I wanted to get a cat. It just so happened that a friend of his (who had adopted two of his cat's kittens) needed to pass off a bundle of joy onto another unsuspecting cat-wanter. That was me.

So, ladies, gentlemen, and others, I present to you Mr. Chester Michael Scofield-Frost. (His original name was Checkers, but I felt compelled to rename him). He has a really weird purr and growls at almost everything. He likes to lay in my window sill and stare aimlessly into the abyss. He gets scared when he hears footsteps. He likes being brushed. He responds to his name. He has bad dreams and cries out in the night. He's the perfect deranged cat for me, and I'm so excited to have him in my life.

My boyfriend John told me that I was soon going to become "one of those cat lovers who buys everything for their cat," and I quickly shunned him and scoffed in disbelief.

Boy, was I wrong.

Mr. Chester Michael Scofield-Frost needed a collar, so I got him a really awesome bright red one. He also needed a food dish, water bowl, and litterbox, so I got him the coolest igloo-style litterbox in the entire world, complete with ramp and litter liners; he needed something to play with, so I got him a wooden dowel with a toy bird at the end of a string; he needed something to scratch his paws on, so I bought him a scratch pad (they work REALLY well); he needed to look pretty, so I bough him a fancy brush; he needed to shed his hair on something other than my couch, so I bought him a cat bed... I'm becoming that cat lover who buys everything for my cat.

I'm determined to get him on a leash for walks. I'm even more determined to go jogging with the guy. He's probably the laziest thing I've ever witnessed, and calling him overweight would be a disgrace to the fat cats of this world. Yesterday, he spend the entire day rubbing fur into my micro-plush couch. What he needs is a kitty treadmill, but I think some coercion and some delicious treats will help him a bit. Oh yeah, I bought those too...

Your mileage may vary.

Nap time.

I'm pretty sure I have the worst sleep schedule ever.

Now, I've always hated getting up at (what I considered) early hours. 8am was always the worst time to wake up in college, especially for classes. Ugh. Thinking about it still makes me uncomfortable. I'm a night owl. I can easily stay up until 3am and not blink an eye, but I'm also now used to waking up around noon and working 3p-11p.

I'm now on (what we call) the "night shift." I work 4am until noon, and I didn't really sleep too much last night. I was up until 11 at night and then woke up shortly before 3 to shower and have some coffee. It's 5am my time, and I'm feeling pretty good. I think this shift will work well for me -- Take some sleep during the day and wake up around midnight to "start my day?" I think that can work pretty well.

Sorry for the disappointing blog post. :( I promise I can do better next time.

Parallel Universes

So, I just finished the movie Source Code, and I'd say it was average. A definite leitmotif was fate (which I do not believe in), but the motion around parallel universes got me thinking. This is a thought blog.

Hollywood tends to touch on the topic of fate from time to time, and when they do, their chosen style is through major, life changing events. However, they don't pay regard to the little things that, theoretically, should play into parallelity (coined term).

If parallel universes existed, it would make a difference which sentence I chose next. My next sentence could influence who bothers to spend time commenting, which makes them late getting into their car, which makes them speed to work, which causes a life-changing accident. Even things such as my thought process at any instant, currently The Wiggles, would create an infinite number of paths and possibilities for the future.

Now, my guess is that Hollywood would have a difficult time portraying an inifinite parallelity in a finite amount of time... just a guess.

I would say that humans have free choice and would believe that few would argue this point. For this reason - free choice - I would argue that fate cannot exist. If fate is a predetermined outcome, then free choice cannot exist because, with free choice, I have the amazing ability to alter the end game. These two concepts (free will and fate) are not mutually exclusive; in fact, they are mutually independent.

To say that I have free choice and believe in fate is not possible. Of course, this is just my choice to believe. My free choice, that I could change if I wanted...

Your mileage may vary.

A lot of people hated high school.

Thankfully, I wasn't one of them.

Up until two minutes ago, as I was perusing past friends' Facebook photo albums (like the total, Stage-IV creeper that I really am) I couldn't explain why I loved high school. Now, I think I can.

For most, getting up in the morning and trudging to high school was, at best, a chore, but for me, the chore was getting out of bed... the "going to school" piece was never something that I didn't want to do. I liked going to see my friends... I liked being in a familiar building where I knew the rules and knew my limits... I liked learning.

Unlike most, I think I was put in a position to grow up faster than most. Some of it was my parents and their teachings, some of it was the friends group that I chose, and some of it was an innate thirst to always be something better. High school gave me, at a comfortable level, the ability to take on more and test the same limits that I thought I knew.

In 9th grade, I was placed in the Honors English class that I thought was, at its highest, a joke. I figured that I had signed up for a fancy sounding class and would get the same teachings out of it. In all honesty, I probably was shorted the basics that I should've learned in 9th grade, but I came out of that class with a better understanding of how life really is.

In life, you're allowed to stop the "scheduled programming" and explore a tangential thought that may not lead to an objective on state demanded curriculum. You can take a bathroom break when you really have to pee. You can bring pop and chew gum wherever you're going. You're allowed to go two minutes over the bell if it means you get something extra out of your time with others.

I skipped 9th grade algebra and went right into pre-calculus. It really screwed me in college... Ask any of my math geek friends. To this day, if you asked me to explain to you the law of cosines, I probably still couldn't. But that's okay. What I did learn was how to fill in the gaps when I didn't have enough information. I learned how to search for knowledge. I learned how to Google. I learned how to learn and that, my friends, was an amazing experience.

I was able to join the marching band and, after being complacent with my placement as a clarinet player, I was given the opportunity to audition for drum major. I was sent to Central Michigan University's Drum Major camp in 2004 and 2005, and asked to go to the more prestigious Bands of America (now Music for All) camp in 2006. It was a natural craving to become a camp counselor after graduation at that same camp and to share my experiences with those who had the same drive that I did. I made lifelong friends in that short week that will never be replaced.

As I grew up and entered into college, it became a living high school for me.

I took some classes with the teachers everyone loathed. Why? Because I wanted to see what people didn't like -- what qualities made people so unhappy. I wanted to know who I shouldn't become after I left campus.

I bent some rules, and I broke a few, too. I forged bonds with administration. I knew everyone who walked on that campus. I remember scaring off a creepy townie guy one night. I walked up to him and said, "Can I help you?" He replied, "I'm looking for my friend in Newberry." I said, "No, you're not. You don't go here, and you don't belong here. Leave or I will call the police." He ran away. Alma is just one of those places where, if you put in a modest effort, you can make some huge changes.

I showed up early to school. I stayed late. I set off the alarms once or twice. I had more keys than I was supposed to. I wandered around places I probably should not have ventured. I made some mistakes. All of that mattered, and all of that taught me a very important lesson: with great trust comes great privilege, and with great privilege comes great responsibility.

Great responsibility is required to make changes. Who do you see as trustworthy? Your parents? They have a great responsibility. Your friends? They do, too. How do they make changes? People trust them. People trust that they'll use their responsibility and privileges to guide the world in the right way.

At 21 years old, I just bought a condo. I have no clue what life has for me next, but I sure as hell hope it's just like highschool. Bathroom breaks and all.

Time to leave this desk. I'm tired.


Your mileage may vary. See store for details.

No matter what side you're on,

you're a complete idiot.

For starters, the Republicans. They think the solution to everything is making poor people pay more money and load big businesses with tax breaks and other trinkets.

Then, the Democrats. "Save the world! Take from the rich businesses and high-rollin' taxpayers! They just save their money and don't spend it on anything, anyway! It's the poor people that need the tax breaks!"

Guess what, either-winged party people? We're screwed either way!!

For the proud Democrats, taking money away from big businesses will ruin this economy very slowly. You claim they don't need the "big jets." I don't think so either. But, when those planes are no longer being created, what happens to the people who build the planes? Paint them? Screw in the tiny screws? Make the seat covers? What about the people who feed the animals that get skinned so the white-collared friends with pressed pants can sit on their freshly manufactured sheddings? Wait... those are the blue-collar workers... the ones that wouldn't have jobs if there weren't insane amounts of money being spent on planes...

And Republicans? No one likes you... But -- alas -- I digress. You think that the poor people should keep paying taxes and the rich snobs should keep their riches. Well, that's great and all, but that doesn't cut anything out of a budget to get us back on track...

I think a huge issue is that people can't even begin to imagine fourteen trillion dollars. That's $14,000,000,000,000.00, friends. Most of us have some form of debt that looms over us; credit cards, student loans, Nordstrom Rack, whathaveyou. But $14,000,000,000,000.00? Yeah... We'll never see that in our lifetimes! I have a credit card with a $600.00 balance that costs me $10 a month in interest. Can you imagine the interest (each month) that $14 trillion accrues?! Proportions tell me around $233,333,333,333... just shy of a quarter of a billion dollars... each month. And to say we don't have the budget for school funding, or wildlife preservation (Alaska...) makes complete sense! We can't even afford to pay our interest back!

I don't claim to have a win-win, know-it-all solution, but I can say this: Whatever the debt resolution is, it needs to be a long-term repayment plan that gets revised at least yearly, or this economy is going to get way worse.

Dear Government,

Please stop borrowing.

Sincerely yours,

America.

Your mileage may vary. See store for details.

Powered by Solar Power.

So, I just got back from a trip to Tennessee and couldn't help but have some intellectual thoughts with a special someone along the way.

What if... Every mile of the 600+ highway we traveled was covered with solar panels, generating free and sustainable energy? Panels covered by a translucent material that would not only support the weigh of vehicles traveling, but would also be more durable when faced with ice and snow, reducing the amount of preventative and repair costs associated with potholes, repaving, and upkeep? These solar panels would  harvest energy that could offset supplemental city power needs, or completely power highway lights that illuminate the roads.

What if... Every one of the 1000+ semi trucks we passed had solar panels on the tops of them, generating free and sustainable energy? Theoretically, we could make solar powered trucks that wouldn't need to rely on diesel power as much.

Sure, the initial investment here would be huge, but as the technology became more widespread, it would become cheaper and more efficient. What I don't think most digest is this simple fact: solar power is free. There are houses that pull from mother nature and actually create an energy deficit and sell their excess power back to the power companies and making a profit.

I have a solar phone charger that isn't bigger than a credit card. The little guy generates 5v and 1A, which is enough to charge my smartphone for free whenever I need it.

On a large scale, the possibilities are near endless. Imagine a solar cell set over 10 miles long and what it could power... I just wish someone with the know how (and the money) would take a risk and change our world forever.

Your mileage may vary.

...Severe and irreversible damage to both my brain and nervous system...

So, apparently there's this vitamin called "B-12" that, as Wikipedia promises with its ever-knowing wisdom, plays a "key role in the normal functioning of the brain and nervous system."

The cute little guy looks like this:

Isn't it ADORABLE?!

Well, I went and got a CBC done (complete blood count) at my local family-friendly doctor. The accepted levels for B-12 in your blood are 200 - 1100 mcg. Anything below 500 is considered non-beneficial and detrimental to "normal" functioning. My level is 310 which, my doctor notions, explains all of my anxiety, anger, and overall bitchiness over the past few months. So, his solution is for me to intake 2,000 mcg of this jazz daily for three weeks, get re-tested, and then likely get shots daily until my levels breach the 500+ mark. The most plentiful food (containing a mere 83 mcg/100g of food) is panfried beef liver... needless to say, I bought me some pills.

Per Wikipedia, "Vitamin B₁₂ deficiency can also cause symptoms of mania and psychosis," which may explain the voices I've been talking with nightly for the last three months... joke. Sort of. Maybe. Only not really. But seriously. Kinda.

But forreal. Why hasn't anyone caught this before?! "Vitamin B₁₂ deficiency can potentially cause severe and irreversible damage, especially to the brain and nervous system. At levels only slightly lower than normal, a range of symptoms such as fatigue, depression, and poor memory may be experienced." Yep, that's me lately.

To make a long story short, in due time, I may no longer be funny or be bitchy, but I will be avoiding severe and irreversible damage to both my brain and nervous system. Way to go body. Way to set yourself for failure...

60 pills of 2,000mcg B-12? $9.99
Avoiding severe and irreversible damage to both my brain and nervous system? Priceless.

Your mileage may vary.

-j

I have a mild phobia

of insects. Like many, I really don't like spiders. Like some, I don't like things that crawl. Like few, I have vivid dreams that I am laying in bed and bugs are crawling all over me.

A few weeks ago, I woke up with an ant crawling on my leg and instantly found myself in a manic fit. I'm thankful I was alone, or I probably would've ended up in an asylum.

Today's Do-It-Yourself topic is fumigation or, non-professionally, "fogging."

I decided, after taking my sheets off to wash them and finding a dead bug on my mattress pad, that it was time to take action. So, I went to K-Mart (ew. ew. ew.) and bought a three pack of "Hot Shot Bedbug & Flea Fogger" for $9.99. I opted for this over the others because, in all honesty, this was the cheapest and I had found a bug in my bed. Was it a BED BUG? Nah. It was just some nasty little bugger. The house I live in isn't a dump -- it's a classic, bungalow style older home with, I'm sure, plenty of cracks and crevices for little bugs to crawl in and out. Too, it's been hot out, which means the bugs want some of my precious air conditioning.

Now, this stuff has some crazy stuff in it. As far as "active ingredients" go: pyrethrins, cyano-4-chloro-alpha-bezeneacetate, N-Octyl bicycloheptene dicaroximide, and 2-1-Methyl-2-4-phenoxypheonxy ethoxy pyridine. There are probably some typos so please, don't quote me on that. Either way, heavy stuff.

Here's the process:

• Close all windows and vents.
• Turn off any airconditioning.
• Unplug all electronic devices (this stuff is flammable and even the Air Wick on a timer could blow yo' stuff out 'da roof). Don't forget the lights!
• Cover fish tanks.
• Remove all food from the room. This stuff will settle. 
• Open closets, drawers, etc. 
• Set one canister in the center of the room. Make sure it's a stable surface. Only use ONE canister per room.
• Shake the canister vigorously.
• Open the top and hold the can at arms' length. Firmly press down with your thumb (pointing it away from you, idiot...) and let the can down.
• Run! Just kidding. Just leave the room and shut the door. 
• We've got cats here, so I made sure that I toweled under the door (like the pot heads do in dorms...) just to be safe.
• Wait two hours.
• Go in the room and open any windows.
• Leave the room.
• Come back in 45 minutes and take a breath. If you can smell chemicals, leave and let it air out some more. A fan in the window helps...
• Wash any exposed clothes. This stuff is toxic, and you don't want the settled remains on your body all day.

After I was done, I came back to a plethora of dead bugs... just one spider, about 10 ants, a few beetles (like the small one I saw in my bed) and, overall, I was VERY impressed.

Just some food for thought.

Three cans of fogger? $9.99
Now dead bugs that you were scared of? Awesome.
Peace of mind? Priceless.

Your mileage may vary.

The Wonders of Slow Cooking

Brief Background:

I work long hours at work. I also work second shift, which is 3p-11p. So, naturally, I leave home around 2p, arrive a few minutes early, and often have to stay late because things just don't go right. Half the time I don't take full hour dinner breaks, and when I actually take time, I hit up some form of Panda Express or soup kitchen. I'm generally hungry when I get back and at midnight, one does not usually feel like cooking anything.

Well, that all changed when I decided to buy a Crock Pot.

Today's Money Saving Tip? I made my first pot roast and, for anyone interested, here's how I did it. 

Ingredients Required:

• Crock Pot ($14.98 at Walmart, which lasts YEARS)
• 1.25 lbs of pot roast ($8) or 1.25 lbs of rump roast ($3.50)
• One can of condensed cream of mushroom soup ($0.99)
• 0.5oz of dried onion soup mix (optional), comes in 1oz packets, four to a box. ($2.49 for a box of four 1oz packets)
• Frozen vegetables (again, optional, but they're really good) ($1.99 for a large bag, 2 recipes)
• 1.5 cups of water (something like $0.005/gallon) 

Servings:

• For me? 3ish. If I'm really hungry? 2.

Average Price per Serving:

• Cheap. Around $1.93

Notes before we start:

• With the water, I measured it with dry measuring cups, so take that into consideration if you're anal-retentive. 
• The Crock Pot says that its important to have the Crock Pot at least half full, so be sure to adjust your recipe accordingly.

How To:

• Dump the water, soup, dry soup mix, and vegetables in the Crock Pot.
• Stir until the condensed soup doesn't look like a blob of fat tissue.
• Trim any fat off of the roast. Seriously, don't eat that crap.
• Rinse off the roast. E. Coli is dangerous, I hear.
• Put the chunk of meat in the middle of the nasty looking crap. Cover it completely with said mixture.
• Turn Crock Pot on LOW setting, cover with lid, and let it sit there for a good 10 hours.

Finally:

• Eat. It's delicious and makes its own gravy. 1.25 pounds is enough meat to fill me up and give me two Zip Lock containers for work. Leave them in the fridge after cooling and consume before it tastes bad. 

Panda Express Dinner: $8.35 with drink
Crock Pot Dinner: $2.50 with  drink (see drink money saving tips here!)

Average Savings: $5.85/meal = $58.50 after 10 meals.

Your mileage may vary.

Random Thoughts on "Good Business"

So, today we had a pretty awesome team meeting, and I'd like to share some of the tid-bits I got from it.

When trying to build a customer base, it's important to build a sticky service that also provides a network effect.

One important thing is to get clients but, once you have them, it's even more important to provide them a sticky service -- one that they cannot live without. If they can go somewhere else for the exact same product at a cheaper price, chances are they will. This world is all about money.

In terms of a network effect, there are a plethora of ways to provide this, and the best network effect comes from a combination of all of the methods.

To illustrate both points, think about blogs. Anyone can create a blog, and there are hundreds (possibly thousands) of starting points and services. How do the high-traffic blogs get that way? How did they become popular? Because their services are networked. Google's Blogger, for instance, can link up to my Gmail account. If I want to post a blog, but I'm away from the computer, hell! There's an APP for that. I want to share my blog with the world? Facebook. I want to email my blog to someone? Bam. The "Email This" button sends it straight from my networked Gmail account. I'm feeling the urge to tweet? Twitter button. I'm really wanting to Buzz? Buzz button. Why would I choose to transfer my blog (or, in the "business sense" detailed here) to another blog provider? If I did, I'd lose all of these cool, networked features. When you think about it, the most popular (and likely most visited sites) all do this in some way or another, all without conscious user acknowledgement.

When providing a rapidly-expanding service, it's important to be developing at a faster pace than your client's needs can grow.

It's no secret that I work at CME Group, the world's largest derivatives exchange. Our marketing doesn't lie: CME is where the world comes to manage risk. Throughout our 110 year history, we haven't just "become" the world's largest derivatives exchange. We grew faster, developed more rapidly, and invested more in forward-thinking ideas than our competitors. We didn't come in and fill a niche; we created one.

For example, take Globex. In 1987, the CME Board approved an original plan to create the world's first electronic trading system for futures and options. To many (and most), an electronic trading system was a horrible idea. With the price of computers, the success of open outcry, and the tradition of trading, CME was, to the opinion of most, making a costly and rather ignorant investment. However, a mere ten years later, this vision undoubtedly put CME light-years ahead of its solely open outcry competitors. "The CME Globex platform was the first -- and remains among the fastest -- global electronic trading systems for futures and options." (cmegroup.com/globex) When Globex was first introduced, it took nearly 10 years before monthly trading volume exceeded 100,000 trades. Now, daily volume exceeds 13,000,000 trades and monthly volume exceeds 1,000,000,000. Customers in more than 85 countries trade on the Globex platform that has rapidly developed by a 60,000x trading volume increase in just 14 years.

To our competitors, this idea was destined to be a bust. To the CME, this idea proved to provide rapidly-expanding services that grew at a faster pace than their clients' needs could grow. It was this radical vision that created the CME Group the world recognizes today.

Automation is the future.

When you click "Search" on Google each day, do you ever stop to think about how many websites are actually being searched? Have you ever taken a minute to look and see just how quick that search takes place? And somehow Google still manages to find the exact thing you're looking for, even after correcting your typos... This wouldn't be possible if your search was directed to somebody, somewhere, that had to manually look up and sift through billions of websites to deliver something that may be close to what you almost wanted.

Automation is becoming the standard  expectation in the world today -- credit card transactions, banking, online bill payment, traffic lights, Pandora. It is becoming more and more important to drop times and the true question for many businesses is: How fast can this be done effectively?

I'm tired of typing. Hope you enjoyed.

I like to pinch my pennies.

I think there are a lot of people in this world that look for simple ways to pinch those pennies. I am one of them.

As some of you may know, I have an unnecessary and quite strong addiction to Coke products. Diet Coke, Coke Zero, CHERRY Coke Zero... I drink probably three or four each day. So, naturally, I participate in Coke Rewards. For those that are unfamiliar, you get three points every time you punch in the little hard-to-read-and-they-all-look-the-same letters and numbers under your Coke caps. Well, when you get thirty points (mind you, 10 bottle caps), you can redeem them for a free coke. Although the delivery takes five long and horrible weeks, it is a free Coke which, in turn, gives you three free points... So my penny pinching tip of the day is this: Use Coke Rewards. Enter ten codes, get a free Coke and three free points... The free Cokes add up quick.
Average savings? $1.69 per ten Cokes.

Bonus Penny Pinching Tip: Use your Speedway Rewards for your Coke purchases. They give you a free coupon for a free Coke when you purchase 10 with your Rewards Card. That buy ten, get one free deal just turned into: buy 10, get one free, plus get 30 points, plus get a free Coke, plus get three more points...
Average savings? $3.38 per ten Cokes.

Double Bonus Penny Pinching Tip: If you buy TWO Cokes in the same purchase, they're generally $0.40 cheaper each... That just saved you another $4.00, or three+ bottles of Coke.
Average Savings? ($0.80 per two Cokes = $4.00 per ten Cokes + $1.79 free Coke + $1.79 Rewards free Coke) = $7.58 per ten Cokes.

Cheapest Deal? Walmart. 6 pack of bottles for $3.50 + deposits.

Your mileage may vary. See store for details.